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Seniors Guide published an advice column by R. Eric Thomas responding to a 75-year-old man who says he feels trapped in a 45-year marriage shaped by his wife’s long-term mental health struggles. Thomas recommends planning with support rather than treating leaving as a decision the husband must make alone.
Seniors Guide published an advice column on October 26, 2026, in which writer R. Eric Thomas responds to a 75-year-old man weighing whether to leave his 45-year marriage. The reader says his wife’s long-running mental health difficulties and dependence on him have strained the relationship; Thomas advises him to think through a practical plan and seek support rather than face the decision alone.
The letter writer, identified by the pseudonym “Self-imprisoned,” says his wife has experienced treatment-resistant depression and/or bipolar disorder and has received different forms of treatment for about 30 years without success. He reports that mental health professionals and close friends have told him the relationship is harming his own mental health and advised him to leave. Those are the writer’s accounts; the column does not independently verify his wife’s diagnosis, treatment history or the advice he received.
The man says he has stayed because of a vow, compassion for his wife and concern that she would be devastated. He also describes feeling afraid to leave, says he has no family to rely on, and writes that he feels neither love nor respect for his wife. He says counselors have described the relationship as codependent, a characterization he agrees with.
Thomas acknowledges the strain described by both spouses and asks whether the people advising the man to leave have helped him work out what that would involve. He raises practical questions about where he would go and what he would do, and suggests working with a marriage and family therapist experienced with codependent couples. He also recommends Melody Beattie’s book Codependent No More.
Planning Beyond the Decision to Leave
The column’s central point is that a decision about ending a long marriage also involves housing, support and the wife’s care. The writer presents himself as isolated from family and worried about his wife’s dependence, making a simple instruction to leave insufficient to address the circumstances he describes.
Thomas does not tell the reader that he must stay or leave. Instead, he frames the next step as working out a plan with professional and personal support. That distinction matters to readers facing strained relationships: the column presents separation as a possible change in arrangement that needs preparation, rather than a choice that can be reduced to a single moral test.
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A 45-Year Marriage Under Strain
The advice appeared in Seniors Guide’s “Asking Eric” column, which publishes responses from Thomas to readers’ personal questions. The letter concerns a marriage of 45 years and a caregiving relationship the writer says has been shaped by his wife’s mental health struggles over roughly three decades.
The source provides the husband’s account and Thomas’s response, not a report from the wife, her clinicians or other people involved. It does not establish a clinical assessment of the couple or describe specific treatment outcomes beyond what the letter writer reports. The answer focuses on how the reader might approach his decision, not on adjudicating the wife’s condition.
““I would like to have a healthy relationship before I die.””
— The letter writer, using the pseudonym “Self-imprisoned”
What the Letter Cannot Establish
The column does not say whether the husband has decided to leave, whether his wife has been told he is considering it, or what arrangements either spouse could access. It also does not provide the wife’s account or independent confirmation of her diagnosis, treatment history or reliance on her husband.
Thomas’s response is advice, not a clinical evaluation of either spouse. The source does not report whether the couple has followed his suggestion to work with a therapist, whether they have made a separation plan, or what outcome they may reach.
Support and Practical Planning
Thomas encourages the reader to discuss possible arrangements with a marriage and family therapist experienced in codependency and to consider the book he recommends. He also urges the man not to handle the future alone. The column gives no timetable or follow-up, so whether the reader takes those steps—or ultimately stays, separates or pursues another arrangement—remains unknown.
Key Questions
What did Eric Thomas advise the reader to do?
Thomas advised him to think through the practicalities of leaving, seek support and consider working with a marriage and family therapist experienced with codependent couples. He did not direct the reader to stay or leave.
How long have the couple been married?
The man says he and his wife have been married for 45 years. He says her mental health treatment has been ongoing for about 30 years.
What does the column say about the wife’s diagnosis?
The letter writer describes his wife as having treatment-resistant depression and/or bipolar disorder. The column presents this as his account and does not independently confirm a diagnosis.
Has the reader decided to leave?
The column does not report a decision. The man says he is considering leaving but is afraid and worried about his wife’s dependence and his own support network.
Source: seniorsguide.com
